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Candle

Candle

The last time I heard from her was in May this year and since I didn’t expect any answers soon I wasn’t worried to begin with and with summer and all the things that had to be done I didn’t have much time to worry. But finally I remembered a way I could have a chance of finding out what was going on and sent an e-mail. Why I didn’t try to write letters or call her? Because she moved and we never got around to that part with new address and what new phone number she might have. The only place I knew I could reach her was by the Tarotforum.

We first started talking on a Yahoo group called Comparative Tarot when I introduced myself as a new member from Sweden. She was really excited since she was a third generation Swedish-American. So that’s how it all started, one thing led to another, we talked tarot, paganism and all kinds of things. The years went by and we talked about ups and downs in our life, discussed decks we had bought or wanted to buy, both tarot and oracle. Dreams and things we hoped for. When me and my husband got married we had her there in spirit, had our daughter and she became an honorary auntie, because I looked at her as a sister.

Some more years went by and thanks to her dear friend Dave we finally had a chance to meet. I wrote some about that in a previous post, So ends a life. We talked a lot about our memories from those weeks and had a dream going about perhaps one day be able to meet again. Or even better, she would be able to come and visit us! That would have been fantastic, let her see some of Sweden where part of her ancestry came from. One day I would like to be able to go back to the US, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara and San Fransisco, and show my daughter some of the places I went then and see what has changed since.

Heart

Heart

Then I was told about Dave and his cancer and knowing that it was no cure and I knew how hard it was for her, Dave was her safety, the one who helped her, knew when she wasn’t feeling well and now he would be gone. But she felt that she would be there for him like he had for her during many years. She had to move and it was a really tough time, changes like that wasn’t something she handled very well. She admitted that she didn’t find much joy in life any longer, she missed Dave something terribly and I suspect she didn’t eat properly either. So one thing led to another and today I found out that she died in June. I wasn’t surprised really, and that is what I told Jim when we got in touch over the phone. And again I will say I’m very grateful that you could give me an answer to this, even if it was hard and I do miss her loads. Thank you, now I can go on knowing about it and not wondering now and then why I don’t hear from her.

If you ever met her online you might have known her by the name Runa WyrdRaven or just WyrdRaven. A sweet and loving woman who I had the chance to get to know and become friends with.

Rest in peace Jeannie, wherever you are. Your life wasn’t easy but I hope you have found peace.

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So, we had amazing weather this weekend, summer all of a sudden. It didn’t stay, this morning it started out with sunshine and a blue sky just to slowly cover up with clouds and a chilly wind blowing. But no worries yet, it’s only May and beginning of June can also be cold up here. I’m not going to worry just yet, but I could use some sun and warm winds so my tomato can move outside and not stand on a chair in the kitchen and trying to get some glimpses of the outside.

On the other hand our days are growing longer and longer. I looked it up and in one week our days will be something like 55 minutes longer each week right now. No wonder the kids have a hard time understanding and accepting the fact that you have to come inside and prepare for the night. Why? It’s still light outside and as the weekend was with bright sunshine still at 8pm it’s not that easy. But there is still school for another 3 weeks so until then it’s early in bed if you will be able to stay awake the day after and remember what the teachers and your friends are talking about.

Birch May 28 2012

Birch May 28 2012

This photo was taken last year, also in May, but the 28th and this weekend it’s kind of exploded as it usually does. All of a sudden there is a green haze on the Birches and other trees have started to come too. There will be some kind of summer anyway!

A friend of mine announced her new blog, Photo By Tina, she’s having mostly photos but there might be some other things now and then too. She’s writing in Swedish but the photos doesn’t care about language. The only thing she wants us to do is asking for permission if you want to use any of hers, or if you want to buy them there is another link for that to Mostphotos. I really like what I’ve seen so far. Will be fun to see more of hers. And maybe I will have some more of my own to show here if I can find something that could be of interest of course.

Now for another project of the day. Lunch! My tummy tells me that there wasn’t much for breakfast so would I be so kind as to do something about it? Yesterdays leftover I think. Kerala curry chicken with rice, paprika, cucumber and some cherry tomatoes. Sounds good?

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Candle

Candle

Got an e-mail today from a friend in the US, the man she’s been sharing living quarters with for some 30 years died early Sunday morning. It’s a hard blow for her, his grown daughter and other family and friends, doesn’t matter that he was past 70 and he had lived a long life considering. But when you know what cancer does to people, especially when it’s spread in the body and there is no cure, would it be fair to wish them to stay longer? To keep living just because we, the ones they will leave behind, want them to stay just a little longer because we ain’t ready to let them go? Of course there is pain killers, things that probably would knock us off our feet if we took them, but it doesn’t help all the way. And to see someone who’s been a big man,  and you know he probably was really good-looking when he was younger, turned into something that is more skin and bones. No, I rather live with the pain and loss and let him move on, leave the pain behind and go wherever his belief takes him.

I’ve met this man, he made it possible for me to visit this wonderful friend of mine since many years back. We met over the internet in a group about tarot, and one thing led to another and we started to talk over the phone a little now and then and finally, some 10 years later, decided it would be fun to see each other in real life. Started saving money, my husband helped out too, and finally we could start making plans for when and what to do when I got there. Just to have the car break down and all our savings gone more or less. Then this wonderful man makes his move. My dear friend calls me, and that made me puzzled, because I’m usually the one who made the calls, and she tells me she have some wonderful news to tell me. He gets the phone and tell me that he want us to be able to meet, and would I be able to make it on $2000? I’m dumbfounded and just stammer that I wont be able to pay those money back in a long time, and what if I can’t pay them back at all… and so I go on for a little longer. Then he says, you don’t have to pay them back, I want you to have them so you can come here and you two can do these things you’ve planned for! I can tell you I was so happy, amazed and Goddess know what, that I’m not sure I made any sense when I tried to thank him. And sure enough $1500 came to me in time, we paid the flight tickets and off I went, leaving hubby and my almost 2-year-old daughter at home.

Santa Barbara from Courthouse tower Photograph...

Santa Barbara from Courthouse tower Photograph taken from the top of the Santa Barbara County Courthouse, March 20, 2005, by Antandrus, looking west-northwest towards the Mission and San Marcos Pass, showing the Upper East Side of the town. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is no way I can tell about all we did and all I was able to see. Arrived at LAX and we met for the first time, talked, went to a restaurant, saw the Pacific at evening, hearing the crickets and saw a coyote. Then we finally found the hostel and when we get there my friend hands me an envelope and says that this is from the one who made all this possible. In it I find a card, a cute one with a dog on it and a welcome and hope we will have lots of fun. And another $500! Just to make sure I would have enough money to really enjoy myself. And we did have fun! First day in Los Angeles I spent some $150 on books and tarot decks at the Bodhi Tree (unfortunately it’s closed now)… and another suitcase. So much fun. And when we left Los Angeles we went on to another friend of hers and then some Pagan Pizza in Santa Barbara. Loads of fun and really wish there could be something similar here where I live some day. And then back to this friends house where we were going to spend the weekend, lots of tarot and a Pirate Fair. Amazing, and oh so hot! A visit to a small town and a small pagan shop where I couldn’t resist a book and some other things.

SF Bats

SF Bats

Back in Santa Barbara, I met this sweet man for the first time in my life, a tall and smiling man with white hair and a warm and loving hug for us both. Santa Barbara was very interesting to see, so different from where I live, and the way there was also special. We talked for hours and when we unpacked we showed him what we had bought for us and for him. After three days we went on to the train station, we were going to San Fransisco and attend SF BATS and stay at the Green Tortoise Hostel and that was really a blast. We had so much fun, so tired in the evenings but wouldn’t mind do it again. Meeting all these wonderful people, see Hight Street, finding the little shop The Sword and the Rose and so much more. Feet hurting, stomachs growling at the end of the day because we completely forgot to eat. And then back to Santa Barbara again, calling this wonderful man to tell him that we will be three hours late because of some things that had happened so he wouldn’t sit there waiting for us in vain. And when we get off the train he greets us with a big bear hug and his white Stetson on top of his head (as he wasn’t tall enough already! I’m almost 5’7 and I reached his shoulders!). He asked us if we had fun and what we had done, laughing at things we had made mistakes at and things others had said and done. And then we were back at their home, my last night there. So most of the time circulated around packing, re-arrange stuff so it would fit down my suitcases and then in the morning a last check that all was there that had to be there. Then he shows up and asks me in his deep, warm voice if I had any money left when I was going home. I said, honestly, that it wasn’t much but considering all I had been given and that I would have food on the flight back home I would manage. He didn’t agree, just said that “You take these, you might need them” and hands over another $100! I can never tell anyone how much he ment to me and my friend during those two weeks.

It would have been a dream come true to have met him again before all of this happened, but I know that he’s happy, no pain, no problems or worries any longer. But I will miss this special man who made all of this happen, and to all his family and friends I send a big hug and a thank you for the chance to come to know this man and be given these wonderful memories. I asked him if he would like to become an honorary uncle for my daughter, nothing expected from me or her, just a way of saying thank you for the wonderful gift. So it became that I started to send him birthday cards with my daughter on the photo and a wish for a happy birthday for him. You will be missed by many, including me. Take care, wherever you are.

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Oh well, some times it ain’t easy. Lack of energy, major lack of it. And it didn’t become better when my beloved mum was moving, of course we helped out and then  when you get home, you don’t really feel like starting on your own home on top of it. Been some intense weeks here but now I’m slowly getting around my home too. It is after all coming to a bigger holiday no matter how and what you celebrate, or don’t.

 

So what do you celebrate? Christmas with the thought of the birthday of Jesus or do you just celebrate it because it’s nice to have good food, friends and family, lights and laughter, gifts and a wonderful day or two? Or maybe you’re one of us who celebrate the Winter Solstice, Yule or what you want to call it. I’m one of the latter, even if I do spend time with family a couple of days later out of tradition even if I don’t celebrate the birth of someone who might not have existed, and probably wasn’t born at this time of year anyway.

 

If we really start looking at it we can find out that, at least here in Scandinavia, the dark and cold north, we celebrated the returning light, and many other things. And in the middle of the darkest times what would be better than to try to coax that light to come back again and at the same time having something fun with good food, drink and light among family and friends? This tradition is old, older than we might have thought about even. If you start reading about Yule at Wikipedia there is a lot of interesting reading about where the word derive from and how and where it is used. And then we go take a look at Winter Solstice and find other interesting things to read and learn from.

 

And you know what, we don’t celebrate very differently from anyone else who’s having a Christian holiday coming up now. Simply because Christianity adopted (I don’t want to say steal) many old holidays as theirs because it made it easier to keep all those heathens/pagans into the church if they kept them, just as they erected churches at places considered holy where there used to be celebrations and rituals performed. Not blaming anyone here so don’t jump on me or anyone else pagan about it. My thought about it is that this has happened many times even if no one have ever recorded it so it’s been known in any book about history so far. A holy well that’s been used for thousands of years, why not continue using the same well instead of declaring it evil? Just easier to convince people that their old Gods and Goddesses, beliefs of all sorts, was evil and of the Devil or some other evil force/spirit.

 

English: Photo of Jonathan G. Meath portraying...

English: Photo of Jonathan G. Meath portraying Santa Claus. Date approximate. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

It’s the same with Santa Claus and Lucia, why make them evil when you can turn them into saints (as did Brigid, or any other spelling you prefer). They where of different origin to begin with and then transformed to suit the church, simple as that. Just to make it simple for me you can read of Santa Claus, or Old Nik, and Lucia that really wasn’t that Catholic saint we’ve been told about but instead Freya that of course was considered an evil spirit instead until they came up with a better explanation. And this with the white gowns and the red ribbons around the waist started late 1800’s so that particular part of tradition we have now isn’t very old really.

 

No clean up fairy in sight and I better get something to eat before I continue her (or is it his?) job. Hope to get here sooner now. Oh, and before I forget it, I got my Book of Shadows Tarot the other day. More fun to do, and an excuse to take a break from cleaning now and then!

 

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