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Posts Tagged ‘Family’

I know, I could write about something else, but actually I don’t know what right now. There was some days here when I just pulled cards and didn’t write anything, but that has to do with family issues really. My mum tripped over a chair and broke her hip again, so me and brother have been trying to help her out with necessary things in her home and things she can’t do on her own otherwise. Hopefully she’ll be back on her feet soon again. Something positive is that at least it’s spring and there won’t be a lot of ice and snow to keep her inside while she’s healing again.

So, Oracle of Shadow & Light again then. As I’ve said, I’ve pulled cards daily, except for that day when mum took the fall… Me and daughter was visiting some friends so when she called we weren’t prepared for something like this. The one thing that popped into my head after her phone call was, I didn’t pull any cards today, wonder what those would have been? Talk about being a total nerd sometimes, but it’s true, and it still nags in my mind that it would have been interesting to see what I would have seen or interpreted it as. If I would have seen any issues either in the oracle or in the tarot, but I’ll never know and maybe that is just as well. I don’t like walking around being worried about things I can’t do anything about anyway, and maybe it wouldn’t be a clear message either so whatever would happen could be just about anything. It was bad enough that year when everything was happening in 2011 and first my dad dies, then my husband and daughter is having open heart surgery. I knew things was going to happen, but I wrote it off as me being scared something would happen to daughter, not something would happen to hubby, and even then I had messages in the cards and even a dream that I still can recall parts of. And they all say, clear as day, that this would happen. Easy to say with all the facts in front of you…

I pulled some interesting cards today too, but I still don’t know what they will turn out to be. Time will tell, but for now I’m off doing some other stuff in the regular world of being a parent… laundry and expecting young one home from school soon. For some reason she want me to meet her so something is up, whatever it is, and I’m not pulling extra cards for it! Not one chance!

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Most of all it feels like: Help! Who has been stealing my July?! Where did it go?

But as we all know, things do fly sometimes and apparently it has done so again. Interrupted by the fact that our internet went down for almost a week, and yes, it was a very simple fault and I wish I had been able to do it without having a tech-guy coming over to fix it. Who the *bleep* has to fetch a technician to change a power cord?! Yes, I had to, and no I’m not completely out in the blue when it comes to how to change such a thing. My problem arised when I found out that you can’t do that without stepping over your boundaries on what to touch and not touch at that router. Why couldn’t they make such a thing easy so you could fix it yourself? I actually do know a lot of handy things in the home, including stuff in the bathroom even if I’m not very fond of doing it. And yes, I can change a lightbulb too (joking here so don’t get upset). So when that was all done we went to visit my mum and had a lovely week with her, eating our first blueberries for the record, and taking some lovely photos too. I’ll add some in another post

And now it’s the last day of July, we have a Blue Moon (and I hope it will be visible tonight). Umm, you didn’t understand that part of ”blue moon”? Usually that is when there is two Full Moons in one month. And no, I’m not exactly sure why they call it such. And I can’t remember at the moment if there is a second theory about this Blue Moon and how and why something. This weekend will also be celebration of First Harvest, Lughnasad, Lugh or Lammas. But that is for another day.

I’ve been searching for a suitable and interesting spread for this occasion but didn’t find any of course since I’m out looking at the last moment – again. So I’m using one by Diane Wilks again that I found at Tarot Passages. This time I’m using Tarot of the Sidhe by Emily Carding just because I felt like it. Oh, the spread cloth? I like it, and no, I have no idea of where to find it. One of my cousins bought it somewhere and it is several years ago.

Blue Moon Spread

Blue Moon Spread

……….1

……………2

……………3

4

Card 1: What about me is unique and rare? Maker Princess (Page of Pentacles)

Card 2: What unusual subject(s) should I focus on in the coming month? Dancer Five (5 of Cups)

Card 3: What should I do that is out of the ordinary this month? Maker 9 (9 of Pentacles)

Card 4: What message does this Blue Moon have for me? Maker King (King of Pentacles)

I started to think about learning Elemental Dignities (ED) but I don’t think I will jump into it at the moment so this will be one of my ordinary spreads with whatever comes to mind while I look at the cards.

Blue Moon Spread Maker Princess

Blue Moon Spread Maker Princess

So something that is unlike and rare with me as the Maker Princess is trying to show me then. This is a very pregnant young woman holding a crystal cluster in her left hand. The text underneath says “Gift of Creativity”. I don’t know if I would say that is very unique or rare to be creative but maybe I should do something more about my creative ideas instead of just thinking. I have a gift that is for a friend and her husband and their expected first child and it’s not anything big or fancy, but it will be personal and one of a kind, one for them and one for the baby. Then there is daughters older half sister (same dad) who had a boy late May and there will be a baptizing late September so there is also a chance to be creative. Daughter and I bought some beautiful things at the summer fair too so there is things that could be made if we really like to. Hmm, seems there will be more creative and creating than I thought when I started writing!

 

 

Blue Moon Dancer Five

Blue Moon Dancer Five

Dancer Five is telling me about what unusual subject(s) I should focus on in the coming month and that could be interesting with a text that says: “Where Loss Resides”. But it’s not that negative really, of course we have people, places and times in our lives that we miss. Most of us do sooner or later. But there is rays of sunshine coming down where those rain clouds parted and not everything is gray and dragging us down. There is even some red flowers among all the others that’s not so bright. So my conclusion would be, here and now, that it’s absolutely time to find those positive and bright moments among all the others not so bright and gray days. There is something positive, or every cloud has a silver lining it is said. You can’t always look at what you’ve lost in your life even if it’s easy to fall into those thoughts and feelings now and then. Look for the light and the blue sky, the positive things, the love and friendship you’ve got in your life considering how it could have been.

 

 

Blue Moon Maker Nine

Blue Moon Maker Nine

Something I should do that is out of the ordinary this month with Maker Nine as my guide. The text on the card says “Root and Blossom”. The tree has its roots down in the water and the crown is filled with flowers, sun is shining and the feeling is peaceful. No need to rush around like crazy and think that you have to do all the things on your list within the same day when it’s not necessary. The thought of meditation is apparently not taking no for an answer, it keeps coming back as soon as I look at the card. Perhaps that is what I should do? Start some meditation regimen, nothing advanced, just sit down or take a walk and be in the moment without thoughts about must and should bouncing about and having private race competitions in my head. Who knows, maybe I will find it easier to sort out what to do and how to do things with that in mind?

 

 

Blue Moon Maker King

Blue Moon Maker King

Last card with Maker King and what message he has for me at this Blue Moon. The text says “Gift of Skill” and he is standing at an anvil holding some red hot crown in his left hand. Starting with creativity and ending with skill so I think someone wants to have some message through here. I should find my creative side again and match it with the skills I’ve got. Whatever I do will make me happy and perhaps it will turn out useful for someone in the end. The most important part is probably to believe that I am good enough and have skill enough to do it… I’m an expert at not believing in myself usually. And it would be great fun to have some people around to talk to, grab a coffee or tea and be creative with, share your skills and find solutions to problems that arises when you try to do something. And that reminds me that I have to ask my dear mother to help me out with the sewing machine, it doesn’t like me! At least she has one exactly the same so she knows more about how to solve the problem.

So, that’s it I guess. I should do something with my skills and my creativity on whatever levels I choose to, and start meditating again. Some good suggestions for meditation anyone?

 

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Scary word, huh? No, I’m not suicidal and I hope I haven’t anyone among my friends that I see a lot that feels like that without giving me some kind of hint that they need help, or just want to talk. I seem to be that kind of person who people that feel a need to vent about their problems and sorrows turn to. Perhaps because I listen, or at least let them talk, until whatever is on their mind is out in the air and not just in their minds. Does it feel good? Do I feel like a better person because of it? Not really, not always at least. It can become a very heavy burden and something that can drain my energy levels incredibly much if I’m not prepared for it and can put up some kind of mental shield so I’m not taking it in on all levels. Made that mistake recently and the day after I felt like I had been having a night out with friends except the hung-over. Or at least that is what I think I would feel like. But if it was of some help to that person I can live with it this time, next time I’ll meet them I’ll remember to not let those energies suck my own energy out.

So suicide then. As far as I know there’s none among my close family or friends that’s taken that way out of whatever made them feel it was the only way, not that I can come to think of right now. I was talking to a friend  yesterday when she got a text message from one of her daughters, one of her friends that she had lost contact with in later years had ended his life, 18 years old. He left parents, a younger brother and his boyfriend behind because for some reason he couldn’t go on any longer and he obviously didn’t want to or couldn’t make people understand how bad he felt. Not even the psychiatric ward where he was at could stop him… One wonders what is going on in this world of ours nowadays. He isn’t the first and probably not the last, so what is making these young people end their life in belief that there is no other way out of whatever problems and misery they live in. Is this world so selfish, so focused on me and mine, that everything is going to go fast, faster, technology before humanity and empathy, that we kill those who aren’t strong enough or can put up a mental shield to protect themselves and go on, following main stream society, adapting and pretending to be someone that fit in and do whatever everyone else do? Leaving their dreams and whatever else behind just to survive?

It’s a hard subject and some will have a very harsh view on it, that they are condemned to whatever punishment someone who ends their own life will suffer in the afterlife. But will that make anyone happier? Does it clear our own conscience? No, probably not. The questions of why, could I have done something, seen it coming, and all those are still there. The sorrow isn’t getting any less for those who are left behind because they have to stay behind and try to find the answers to why. And no, I’m not one of those who thinks that there will be some punishment in any kind of afterlife, rather it will be healing and trying to understand why things turned out the way they did and what could have been done instead. It might cause sorrow and grief for them too when they realise what they have caused their family and friends, but it’s something that might have to be done so they can move on and have peace with themselves and their choice. Some of us believe in reincarnation, that we will be reborn in another life, and some things we choose as a lesson for each life and if we didn’t learn it in a previous one it will come back in the next. Is it a way of comfort and lessen our sorrow or is it a reality? I don’t know, and I’m not going to try and answer it here either. I’m just sorry that there is one young person less in the world that might have been able to make a difference in some way if he had stayed a little longer. Rest in Peace, and hope you will find a way to go on just as your family and friends have to.

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Offended? Neglected? Who? Why? I start to think that after this day at least. Do anyone of you know of any deity or other being who is the ruler, or something like that, of bikes? Especially everything that has to do with the wheels of said vehicle. This day has been really hot, and it is sort of nice if my bike just wanted to function the way it should again. At least the rear tire and everything that has to do with that part. I got a flat yesterday, and since I haven’t got the equipment to take care of it I asked my younger brother if he had the time and energy to help me out. No problems, he would help me today, so since the bike was at my moms and I left the key to the lock there, he could sort of start whenever he wanted and finding out what was wrong. I went off to a store that sells spare parts and got what I needed, went to my mum with my daughter going by bike before me since her cousins would be there too. He got the new parts, changed and whatever happened next it blew with a loud bang. Think balloon and add some more sound and you’ve got it. So back to square one, putting the one that he mended back and hope it would hold. Nope, it didn’t so I walked home with a flat and hoping to find someone to help me out tomorrow. No, I didn’t want to ask my brother to come over one more time since his youngest son was getting tired and didn’t want to leave home one more time. So, hence the question if there is some ruling deity or such over bikes.

But to end this one with some things that perhaps is a little more interesting than bikes not working, here are some recent photos for those of you who like them. All taken late May and I will get some even  more recent as soon as this with the bike is taken care of.

My dauther calls this Rowan by that name

Tree of Dreams late May

20140529 Lakrits 02

Cat watching flies outside

Green and lush on the way

Green and lush on the way

Late May and summer on the way

Late May and summer on the way

Late May birches

Late May birches

Growing on the tree

Growing on the tree

 

 

Selene dioica (Rödblära in Sweden)

Selene dioica (rödblära in Sweden)

First Violets for this year

First Violets for this year

Oxalis acitosella (Harsyra in Sweden)

Oxalis acitosella (Harsyra in Sweden)

One-eyed bearded man?

One-eyed bearded man?

Rainy day, Luleå river

Rainy day, Lulea river

Watching parts of central Luleå

Watching parts of central Luleå

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That was what I tried to tell it when I could hear daughter sleeping peacefully, feeling much better after her Scarlet fever. Me, on the other hand, have been somewhat bored some of the days when I haven’t been able to do what I would really have loved, walk outside with the camera, so I guess this is just a “symptom” of the week gone by. Back to yesterday then.

Runes

Runes

I tried to go to sleep, relax, find a comfortable position to sleep in, ignore daughter snooze beside me, and above else make my brain shut up! It was chattering about this and that, and mostly about making little clay amulets that could be used for offerings, gifts and whatever comes to mind. You know that simple clay you make for kids out of all purpose flour, some salt, and  water? That kind, maybe added some food coloring and then put runes and different symbols on them. Or as I’ve seen some people do, add dried flowers, herbs and spices. But my brain was into this with just using runes, Goddess and God symbols, and those from the tarot such as a symbol for wands, swords, cups,and of course pentacles. And what size should they be? Smaller so you could put it in a little pouch of some sort, or a little bigger so you could put it somewhere visible or wear it in some way? And talking about a pouch, maybe one could find small pieces of fabric and make some of those so people can put their messages and stones in it? It had lots of ideas in that way, and maybe if I had written it down it could have been easier to go to sleep, but I didn’t so today will be an early night for sure. And because daughter is back to school tomorrow, their days goes from 8.10am to 13.10pm with lunch and some shorter breaks included, so I think she can do it.

Something else that might have added to this chatter in my head is Pinterest, oh yes, I’ve fallen for it too. Fun place to be and you can find a lot of interesting things to look at and sites you wouldn’t find otherwise perhaps. Besides that I’ve been to the library and found a book about using silver clay so I guess my brain was just bored and needed something to do, just wrong time of the “day”.

I’ve had this idea before with doing these offering stones. If I start counting it is several years since my first round. At that time me and a friend were planning a tarot evening and we had lots of fun doing that! Unfortunately we had to cancel since my friend caught a bad cold and couldn’t do it. But the idea was to sort of make it an entry into a magical world, when you arrived you would have a magical “potion” to open your eyes to this world of tarot and magic. When everyone was there it would begin with some talk about something tarot and everyone would be able to talk to other people, grab something to eat or drink. Take a look at different decks, both tarot and oracle, a table where you could sit down, grab a deck and do a reading for someone else. Another idea was to have a fire going in some way outside, add little scraps of paper, a couple of pencils and perhaps some incense, and for those who wanted they could write a wish or something they wanted to get rid of, fold that little paper and put it in the fire. Lots of ideas in that way. What about the offering stones? They come in at the end of this evening, when everyone is going home again. Before they would leave the idea was that they could have a magical cookie to return to the ordinary world, they could take one of these stones from a pot or something and maybe we would have little notes that would explain the rune or symbol on it. Another one was if we had some tarot and oracle decks with missing cards that you could use by putting those in a bowl and people could pull a card on their way out, or a piece of paper that had a quote, a word, or just some kind of message for them to bring back home.

So, that is what my brain was holding the talking stick for. And yes, I did go to sleep finally, we woke up at 10am so it was really time to get up and the cat thought so too.

Lovely walk

Lovely walk

Otherwise nothing special going on lately. Nature at its best, some rain and warmer temperatures made everything explode as usual. Lovely outside and hoping it will continue for some more weeks now. The cat making us laugh with his silliness. Examples? One of them was when he apparently forgot he was going to groom himself and forgot to put his tounge back in, unfortunately we had no camera close to take a photo, he looked really goofy. That is about it, and despite young one being sick we have had lots of daughter-mum time, watching movies, playing games and just take things as they come.

We did go for a lovely walk earlier the same day as she got sick, and this is one of the photos from it. There is usually lots of birds around there so now they have made a nice path with places to stop and watch the birds and some signs that tells you what kind of birds you might be able to see and some facts about them. The place is called Mjölkuddstjärn, unfortunately I can’t find any information about it in this language yet, but I do hope they will add it soon.

Some other photos

Watching outside

Watching outside

On the balcony, oooh so interesting!

On the balcony, oooh so interesting!

Sleeping (daughters photo)

Sleeping (daughters photo)

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20140418 Mjölkudden 41Had a wonderful day today. Sun was shining, it was warm even if it is still a chill in the air. Spring is early, not very much snow left as we are used to have much more than this at this time of year. But it felt good just walking and let my thoughts just go wherever they wanted. A lot easier to think happy and less scary thoughts when the sun is so bright and shining on the snow covered ice on the river. So why am I talking about scary thoughts when there has been such a lovely day?

Maybe I’m just in the mood for them, considering everything that has been going on, but they were triggered earlier the week before. When my daughter was six years old she had heart surgery, and it went really well and she was up and about in three days. At the hospital we met a father and his young son, 6 months old at the time, who already had his second surgery. Imagine such a tiny body having surgery for the second time! The mum and two older siblings where there too, but they couldn’t stay all the time. We started talking and my daughter isn’t really the one who keeps quiet and hide from strangers. I guess it was fun for the father having her around letting him think about something else for a moment or two. We kept in touch during the years keeping up on what was going on. My daughters heart problem was a very easy one compared to this young boys. His heart was completely wrong, lacking parts so they have been forced to make several surgeries to build it up to have at least one chamber. When we were back home in the beginning of December that year this family could go home to celebrate the holidays too, just to have to go back in January to do another surgery. I can’t even imagine how much pressure it must put on this family and others in the same situation, pressure in every possible way.

So it’s been sort of quiet for a long time and it seemed like he was doing a lot better until lately. Another surgery that could go for better or take a step back, unfortunately it was a step back for this 3 year old and his family. And as that wasn’t enough they had to do another surgery just three weeks later to put in a pacemaker because his heart wouldn’t come back to it’s normal pace the way it usually does within two weeks. I don’t know how he is recovering now, hoping things are going for the better and that it will be a much happier and stronger little man coming home to the rest of the family.

heart-on-blackWhy am I talking about this kid? Well, because last night I felt that scary feeling that I had the summer when we were told daughter would have heart surgery during the fall and I had a deep feeling of doom, something was going to go disastrously wrong! And it did in one way, just wasn’t daughter who was the one to die, it was her dad instead. I think I wrote about that in my other blog (this one wasn’t created then) about how I tried to write this feeling off as my fears of what would happen and if she would be ok. It was back yesterday when we had gone to bed and daughter had fallen asleep. I tried to calm down, thinking that it was my fears playing tricks on me, that this little guy will be ok and there is no use for me working my mind up over it. Whatever will happen I can’t do very much about it. I try to light a candle for him and his family when I can keep an eye on it so I wont have a curious kitten finding a way to reach it. I so hope this feeling was just my own fears and not a warning of something to come. My experiences gets the better of me now and then so I hope this is all it was, my bad experiences and memories playing tricks on me.

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And now many of us can hear that Elton John song from The Lion King in their head. But it’s true really, things continue to follow that circle, human life, plants, animals, you name it. We are born, we grow up, grow old (hopefully) and die and so the wheel turns and we go back to be part of the earth again and whatever happens next depends on what we believe or what we think happens.

Lingonberries

Lingonberries

This time of year in the northern hemisphere is about fall, “dying” and being reborn at spring. But it’s a natural process and so is our lives, even if we don’t really want to think about it and some of us just feel scared. Why I’m talking about this? Perhaps it is the fact that I went to my aunts funeral today and will attend another one shortly with another aunt. It’s sad, yes, and they will be missed but on the other hand, they had reached high age and passed 80 both of them. They have husbands, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren that will remember them and hopefully carry on the positive sides that they had to give. But they were old, one had cancer and the other one just laid in her bed for the last four years, to tired to move or even talk. And what kind of life is that? Living with pain and maybe not even knowing someone is there. So we will miss them, feel sad one moment and laugh the next. But we will all know that they haven’t got any pains or worries any longer. What I really liked about this funeral (and it was the same woman holding the ritual as when my husband died) is that she’s so good at putting words on the feelings that circle around a time like this. And she also lit three small candles and put in a small bowl with sand, the first one for love (the love we feel for the deceased and each other), the second for the memory of them and the third for us that will keep on living without them.

It’s this time of year too, as my grandmother said when she was getting tired of life “I’ll leave with the falling leaves” and so she did, but our lives goes on and next year there will be a new spring, new life. This is the time for dying and hibernation. Mabon is just around the corner, and we will celebrate the gifts of nature in one way or the other. Here in the north this will be the last harvest and we will put grains, fruit and berries on our altar, prepare food that include vegetables and whatever else there is we feel is appropriate. With that we keep on living and continue this circle of life.

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